Labyrinths are weird. The word in itself is a wildly odd string of letters. Do you pronounce the y? Where’s the emphasis placed; the la (long a) or the byrinth? It is confusing and letter-y and different and utterly ironic that the mere spelling and pronunciation of the word categorically fulfills its meaning.
By Oxford’s definition, a labyrinth is “a complicated irregular network of passages or paths in which it is difficult to find one's way; a maze.” And, upon a further investigation into my admitted google search, I found that labyrinths are also meant to symbolize “hell and redemption.” I guess the “hell” is being stuck in those irregular passages and the “redemption” is finding your way out. Furthermore, labyrinths are not found in nature; they’re odd human creations - which is either genius or insanity.
That is exactly where I am, a labyrinth. Stuck in a completely muddled network of pathways.
It’s as if I am treading clumsily along a path in which I think I can see a way out, and just when I turn a corner I second guess my direction. Left turn, right turn, spin around, back track, forward march, crawl, run, dance, sit for a minute. Where am I again?
I’m constantly questioning my gut when I know damn well what it’s telling me. In fact, I’ve been here for years. The hell part makes perfect sense to me now- it’s the redemption that feels out of reach.
I’ve ignored that little voice, the push and pull deep within me- small hesitations or resounding waves too often. Which is unfortunate, as the times I haven’t ignored my gut turned into some of the best, most fulfilling, achingly lovely things of my existence. If I know listening to myself has resulted in such ways, then why do I still tamp it down? That should be proof enough of redemption.
I suppose this is exactly how a labyrinth works. The irregularities lead to questioning and each path leads to a new path that may look the same, or wickedly different, possibly both. Each path may have positive and negative attributes, but one comes with redemption and the other comes with hell.
Well shit. When you think of it that way, labyrinths feel heavy and like a place I never want to go.
But what if the labyrinth was more about the lessons and experiences on each path? As if the paths are set there to test, deceive, anger, hurt and confuse- only to lead to something magnificently breathtaking. Something that makes all those dark paths, the hard decisions, the bad moments more worthwhile than imagined.
Some paths may have moments of happiness or love, albeit fleeting. It’s those moments that allow for just enough motivation to keep moving and to endure the parts of the passages that hurt or feel too heavy.
I think I get it now. But, I still think labyrinths are weird. And weird can be good, too.
Comments