Dear White People,
I am sure about a lot of things. I am sure I have no idea how to start this. I am sure this will ruffle a few fluffy white feathers and perhaps, a few fluffy black feathers too. I am sure I don’t necessarily care about the ruffling because I need to write this. I am also sure that my feelings, my opinions and my need to write this are but a drop in the ocean of injustice and emotionally charged diatribes the black community has faced.
I am sure that I strive to raise my white, blonde haired, blue eyed, beautiful boy to be kind, accepting, tolerant, loving, witty and brave. I am sure many people of color strive to do the same for their black haired, brown eyed, beautiful babies, too. I am sure that I sometimes feel guilty about being white. I am also sure I sometimes feel guilty that I have a blonde haired, blue eyed, white boy who is fortunate in ways he will never know or fully understand. I am sure that it makes me uncomfortable to write these things. I am sure it is okay to feel uncomfortable. I am sure I should have done more, said more, been more, sooner, for the black community. Lastly, I am sure if more people were willing to be uncomfortable for a bit, things would change more quickly than they are.
I am unsure about many things. I am unsure whether it is okay for me to feel so emotional about the verdict in the George Floyd murder trial, so emotional that I sat on my couch and cried, and then felt oddly uneasy about crying. Was it my right to cry? Am I allowed to feel this way, too? I am also unsure what to actually call it- the Chauvin trial, or the Floyd murder trial? I am unsure if it was “okay” that I had such a reaction of shock, of joy, of unreserved relief. I am unsure whether my white-ness makes showing those emotions about the verdict acceptable to the black community, or annoying. I am unsure if my anger toward those unwilling to accept that Officer Chauvin (and many others) was unequivocally wrong in his actions, period, is permissible. I am unsure if my anger is directed toward society at large, individuals who continue to partake in and explain away racism, police, the media, white people, or myself. Perhaps all of the above?
I am unsure if people will view me as anti-police when I talk about this. I’m unsure why those very people can’t understand that holding people in power accountable for their actions is actually PRO-police. The actions (or inaction) of those like Chauvin, detract from, and ruin public faith in those that are meant to protect us. The Law Enforcement Oath states: “On my honor, I will never Betray my integrity, my character Or the public trust. I will always have the courage to hold myself and others accountable for our actions. I will always maintain the highest ethical standards and uphold the values of my community, and the agency I serve.” I will let you, the reader, sit with that for a moment. Read it again.
Integrity. Character. Public trust. Courage. Accountability. I am unsure where the gray area in that statement is, or how actions like Chauvin’s taken too often throughout our history, adhere to any part of that statement. I am unsure why anyone believes such actions are integrity driven, courageous, or illustrate good character.
Now back to being sure. I am sure when I read that statement, I took it at face value- I have never had to question it, because I am white. I am sure that I am considered the “public”, and that police officers have “public trust,” aka “white trust.” I am sure of this because people of color view that very same statement completely differently than I. I am sure I have no idea how awful that must feel. I am sure people of color are not considered the “public” and thus their trust has been obliterated for years and years and years. I am sure there are exceptions to all that I have written above, but I am also sure that the exceptions are few in number compared to the whole.
I am now sure this is all changing.
This case, this time in history, the officers who testified against “one of their own”, who showed integrity, courage, character- have not fixed anything, but they have certainly begun a revolution. I am sure calling this a “revolution” is sad, to think that it is revolutionary to stand with integrity, character, and courage means that there is a long road ahead. I am sure I view the Law Enforcement Oath differently now. My trust, as a white person, is not there, and I am the public after all. I am sure that if I am going to be considered the “public” it is now my duty to hold not only myself accountable, but those around me. Finally, I am sure sorry I didn’t do this sooner.
I am sure I would like you to make yourself feel a little bit uncomfortable, too.
Sincerely,
Morgan
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