I Look Like This

Taking a big step here, and throwing my hat into the endless blog, viral, whatever you call it, ring. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, or the direction in which it will take me, but this path seems right. What I do know, is this will be an endeavor to remember, and a way to sweeten the proverbial 2020 "dumpster fire" we all have experienced. Stay tuned for some cynicism, humor, love, unfounded expertise, and pointless yet perhaps useful tidbits.

Let’s start here, with a bit of honesty, humility and humor. The three H’s- a kind of holy grail, a dose of reality.

As I said, I have NO idea what I am doing here. I know I have a lot to share, I know I am semi-decent at writing, I know I want to feel more connected, not only to those I love, but to anyone who feels the need to be connected. However, I am honestly at a loss as to how to get on the path that I want. No, no, not just the one I want. The path that I need.

So I started this website/blog thingy. And I created an instagram, a facebook and will eventually create a youtube channel (maybe) to coincide with the website (more to come on those things, by the way, again, no idea what type of content I will share…). Anyways, in all the things I have signed up for today, they all call for a profile picture.

Now, let me tell you, I have never shied away from a picture. In many pictures I appear in, I am laughing, mouth agape, quite un-lady like, posing like an idiot or being goofy. In other photos, I am taking a selfie, usually of my son and I. I have very few “good” pictures of me. To be honest, I am not sure why. It could be that no one really takes pictures of me. As most moms, or females in general will understand, we are typically the ones to take the pictures; capturing the moments in which we hope to remember for all time, the little nuances, the big moments, and more importantly for me, the small, quiet, unposed times that I want to bottle up and protect to pull out on a day I need them most.

Another reason for the lack of “good” photos of me could be that I put on a type of facade

each time I do take a picture. Perhaps it is easier for me to be silly, act like I have few cares and am completely and utterly self confident than it is to show my worry, the new creases or bags around my eyes, my snaggle tooth, the peach fuzz turning into whiskers on my face or

the real me. In a world full of images- virtual, print, moving, still, photoshopped, filtered, it is difficult for a 37 year old woman to just take a picture.

I had made up my mind, a picture is necessary for this sort of thing, and thanks to Covid, I don’t have any friends or coworkers around to try to take a nice photo of me. And, I am not sure my husband will totally understand that I need a decent picture when he gets home from work (it will be difficult enough to explain this new endeavor to him as it is). So I changed my shirt, and my bra, because well, I had no virtual meetings today and I wore a sports bra, judge me. I stood at the top of our loft, where the sun was beautifully placed and snapped some pictures. A few with my blue light glasses I wear all day while staring at devices, and a few without. I found myself being goofy after two (enjoy that by the way), but then, realized, this is how I look. I look like this. So that is what you will see. That is what you need to see. That is really what all of us need to see in one another, more now than ever. No photoshop. No filters. No crazy makeup, no fancy outfits, no facade. Just me, in my house, taking a smiling selfie.