“No but….”
“Yeah but…”
“Okay but…”
“Actually…”
“Why are you being mean to me?”
I climbed into bed Friday night hoping to release my frustration by easing into the sheets when my husband turned to me and said “you are a saint.” In that instant, I didn’t know whether to be thankful or alarmed that he recognized how hard I was working to stay sane and maintain a patience level I never knew I had. Maybe a little of both, I suppose.
My four year old has been quite the contrarian as of late. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING turns into an argument. Not only does he have to have the final word, he must give a final explanation which binds all parties to that pigeon-holed, often wrong or incomplete characterization of the situation at hand.
It is exhausting.
Worse than exhausting; it debilitates me. It takes every ounce of grounding, fortitude, serenity, equanimity, and control that I may or probably don’t have within my seemingly soulless shell of a body. I now understand why so many say that women truly rule the world- because if women couldn’t do the above on a consistent basis, there would be far fewer adults in this world, let alone functioning or productive adults.
My son is strong-willed and opinionated and just wants to be heard. But damn, could he please just brush his teeth or get dressed without a dissertation as to why it is not a good time for him? Or perhaps rather than a detailed rundown as to why his frogs first need to be stashed under his chair, we could have the cliff-notes version? Still, I will get a thesis on “actually, Mommy, Pachycephalosaurus is an omnivore” even though the dino encyclopedia he insisted I look it up in states it is an herbivore. I say the sky is very blue today, “no but... it is green,” I say eat the waffles you asked for, he says “okay but I didn’t want that,” I could go on forever. And ever and ever and ever. He is never wrong.
Sometimes I question myself- is his defiance on these small things normal? How do I know which battles to fight and which to just let go? Should I be impressed with his ability to redirect and dodge, or alarmed? Is it bad that sometimes I give up and give in because I just can’t at that moment? Then, my husband will come home and within five minutes, they are butting heads. On hand, that is validating; it isn’t just me. On the other hand, how did that happen in just five minutes? Is there something wrong with me? Now, I must referee and maintain some sort of patience and civility with BOTH of them, that I didn’t believe I had enough for ONE of them, let alone for myself. It is then I am reminded of the importance of birth control and… haha just kidding. It is then I am reminded of the importance of choosing your battles and understanding that some situations call for indifference, while others call for interference. This clearly doesn't just relate to raising children. For me, it relates to a whole hell of a lot more!
So on the last Monday of Women’s History month I’d like to reflect on the strength and perseverance of women in general, even when they are questioning and berating themselves. They are what brings this world composure, balance and fortitude. In a world in which they are so often silenced or judged, whether it is by society, a boss, a colleague, a loved one, their child, or one another; women will be the quiet in the storm. The safe place people seek. The undaunted presence that keeps going.
And that is my Monday Perspective.
Today’s song is “God Speed” by Zach Bryan - Justin has been into a lot of his stuff lately, check him out! I thought this song was fitting for the line “Only God and my Mama know what I need…”
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