Just about three years ago I quit my job as a secondary social studies teacher. I walked away from my career of twelve years. I did many other things other than teaching throughout those years, of course; I coached, I was a mentor, an advisor, a never-ending committee member, and so much more. I had my Master’s degree, plus 18 credits beyond that. I was on a fast track to getting to the “top of the pay scale” - whatever that means. And then in the summer of 2019, I quit. I was scared shitless and really did not have a plan at all. All I did know was that I needed a change.
It was the first time in too long that I did something solely based on the way I felt in my personal life. Every time I walked through those doors at work, a piece of me went away. I know that sounds strange to say, but it took more and more of me, and although there were some wonderful times, it was not enough. Those wonderfully happy times were becoming so far and few between that I had lost my zeal, I had no more pep in my step and I had dread in the pit of my stomach every day I was there. This had changed so drastically for me that it was beginning to affect every aspect of my life, and I had enough.
When I left the school the day I resigned, I cranked my radio, opened my sunroof and I cried. Equally terrified and excited, I had no clue what I was doing. I for sure was crazy, I convinced myself. You see, I had told no one. I knew it was going to be shocking for not only my coworkers and former students, but for my family and friends. When I say I told no one- I told no one, not even my husband (I actually don’t recommend that by the way… he was fully on board but the initial shock for him was unnecessary and unfair).
I have always been, but now even more so, a firm believer in paths, in choices and a type of destiny or fate playing an incredibly important part of our lives. My path as a teacher was taking a hard left turn that I was weary about and in that moment I had a choice - I could stay on that path as I typically have done in my life, or I could steer elsewhere, onto an unknown path. The choices we make are not always calculated, yet, they are not always knee-jerk. The hard part in my mind, is knowing when to exhaustively calculate your choice, and when to go with your gut. I chose the latter this time.
This choice has been no cake walk for me. It came just prior to a global pandemic and the plan I had begun to formulate unraveled quickly. I have questioned my decision to leave many times, but I stand by it. I am a better person now- I am putting myself and my husband and child FIRST. It had gotten to the point where I was doing everything but that. I know I ruffled feathers, I know people think they know why I quit, I know I may have even angered some people with my sudden departure, but that is for them to grapple with, not me. I have grown tremendously and when I look back, it is only to inform my next steps and my future. I look back with humility and love far more often than looking back with resentment or anger now, and that is progress. I said this before, and I will say it again- I have worked my ass off to be where I am and who I am today. I feel as though all of the places I have been and all of the people I have encountered were meant to be there at that time in my life; and, as reciprocity goes, I was meant to be there for them at that time, too.
Fate, it is a funny thing man. A messy cluster of choices made, opportunities passed by, steps taken and lessons learned.
For all of you in each season of my life thus far- for good or bad, thanks for the help.
That is my Monday Perspective.
Today’s song is a really cool and perfectly fitting song by Brother Ali called “Fresh Air” - thanks Justin for this choice! Love it! Even if it is not your style, the lyrics are spot on!
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