This morning I received a text from my sort-of sister-in-law: “Good morning! I forgot to text you that Alden has a package coming from us that will not be wrapped unfortunately.”
There is a lot to pick out here- and is such a testament to how hard we are on ourselves.
I forgot to text you.
It is okay. We are in a pandemic. It is the holidays. We are working. Or, we are not working. We are stressed. We are stressed because it is the holidays, a pandemic and working, or not working. We are doing the best we can. Why do so many of us feel as though we have to apologize or explain ourselves? I didn’t know she had the intention of texting me to let me know that, and even if I did I wouldn’t be mad if she didn’t do it right away or not at all.
...that will not be wrapped unfortunately.
It is okay. We are in a pandemic. It is the holidays. We are working. Or, we are not working. We are stressed. We are stressed because it is the holidays, a pandemic and working, or not working. We are doing the best we can. You are sending my child gifts. How lovely that our worry right now is, whether those gifts are wrapped or not! Alden does not care. He will be excited regardless of how they are packaged or not packaged.
Telling certain people (particularly women) to not worry about this stuff, is like telling a squirrel to stop forgetting where he buried his nuts; completely and utterly futile. So many of us have this vision of perfection, none of which we see in ourselves. Instead of looking at all we‘ve accomplished, all we have, all we can be proud of, we immediately go to the imperfections, the things we have failed to accomplish, what we don’t have or what we are ashamed of, even if we are embarrassed to admit it.
I can write endlessly on impossible societal pressures so many of us fall prey to (particularly women), however, right now, I am going to be introspective.
I have worked ridiculously hard on myself. I have gone to a lot of therapy sessions, and done a lot of thinking of the role I play in this societal perspective. I still apologize way too much. For things I really have no reason to be apologizing for - sorry it is raining, sorry you are in a bad mood, sorry that movie was dumb. WHAT? Why? I suppose I am sorry in a sense, it is regrettable that it is raining, how miserable it is that you’re in a bad mood, it is unfortunate the movie was terrible. But, I have gotten so used to using the word “sorry” in its truest form, that I take on the responsibility for things that I in fact, cannot control and did not cause. With the repetitive voicing of this sense of responsibility and saying “sorry,” I allow (I will say it again, I ALLOW) others to blame me. Because, why would someone apologize for something they didn’t do, or something they were not responsible for?
Although my sort-of sister-in-law did not say sorry, I knew exactly she was saying just that. And yes, she is sorry the gifts are unwrapped, but she didn’t cause the pandemic, she is not responsible for the insanity of 2020 and the stress she is under. Instead, she is irked they are not wrapped. In the end, I am GLAD something we are worrying about is if our packages will arrive on time or whether they are wrapped or not. Because if that is a problem, we are doing alright. It is an un-problem. It is something we are annoyed with maybe, it is something we wanted to be perfect, and it just wasn’t, it is something that in 5 years, even 5 days, won’t matter. It is certainly not something to be sorry about.
Although things are incredibly unknown at this moment, so many teetering on losing everything; jobs, money, lives. We have each other. We have food. We have shelter. We have unwrapped gifts that may or may not be late.
That’s my Monday Perspective.
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