Monday Perspectives - Someday

Lately it feels as though my issues, my problems, my words and ideas pale in significance to so many in the world. I have had a hard time sitting down to write and reflect without feeling a strange sense of guilt and frivolity; hence my absence from posting in recent months.

Since 2020, a seemingly apocalyptic year, the world tried to collectively will things to get better. Remember the New Years banners that read: “Good Riddance 2020, hello 2021!?” Sadly, after another year of uncertainty and heartbreak for the masses, we then ushered in 2022 with a renewed, hopeful vigor. However, it has become painfully clear that 2022 is shaping up to be equally heartbreaking and frustrating, albeit not for the same reasons.

When I contemplate any personal struggles and think about voicing them, I feel an almost immediate sense of dread and embarrassment. How can I feel such a way when people have lost everything? How dare I have a moment of self-pity or indulgent anger when I am so fortunate. On the other end of the spectrum, how can I celebrate my wins and accomplishments without seeming as though I am gloating or insensitive to the struggles others face?

An actual war is unfolding overseas, a social and political “war” continues to plague the United States, race relations feel irreparable and news headlines often include yet another human succumbing to mental illness. This does not include anything happening within your own circle. The personal struggles or losses, the navigation of complex family structures or intricate professional relations.

Find the helpers. Find the doers. Find the good news. Yes, yes, I know. But sometimes that teeters on the toxic positivity mentality many of us have been forced to adopt for no other reason than refusing to feed into the negativity.

When you can’t find the helpers. Be one. When you can’t find the doers. Be one. Be the good news. But what if you don’t know where to start? What if you are so overwhelmed with the bad you don’t think your good will matter? We are flooded with incredible stories of perseverance, people making a difference on a large scale and “small” movements that really don’t feel very small at all. People making huge changes in their life or the lives of others for the better. And, if you’re like me, when you feel, you FEEL.

I used to be ashamed to admit just how much I feel. When my loved ones win, I win. When they hurt, I hurt; with every ounce of my being. I think about it when I wake up, when I go to sleep and all the mundane times in between. Because of this, I try to tackle a lot on my own. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, I don’t want them to feel as though they need to reciprocate my intense level of feeling. I rarely open up to those closest to me about how much I need support, or reassurance or anything really. I still find myself disappearing at times, keeping to myself when it all just feels too much.

I used to fight my empathy, but now I understand this is where my good lies. I need to roll with it and continue to work on healthy compartmentalization and boundaries; not just for myself, but for those I love. I now strive to embrace my empathy and illustrate to my young son, who is exactly like me in that regard, not only is it okay to not be okay, it is okay to be okay. It is okay to be okay when others aren’t. It is okay for you to not be okay while others are. It is yours to own and yours to keep, yours to shout from the rooftops or yours to hold close in a snuggled pile of blankets if you choose.

That can be my good. It can be yours, too. It doesn’t have to be this massive life altering change that will go viral. It doesn’t need to be the lead in a charge to tackle all the bad in the world. It just needs to be enough for you in that moment. Perhaps if everyone strove for a peace like this, a natural, positive momentum would follow. Someday.

On that note, I recently had a pretty big life win. A new job. An opportunity to make a whole lot of difference in deserving lives, including my own. A chance for me to be content in my professional life. Something that validates me and makes me feel as though all that has happened in my professional life, all my choices, my hard work, my tears, my mistakes and my successes were leading me here all along. I wouldn’t change a thing. Well, not really. And it is okay for me to be excited about this, even in a time that is uncertain for many.

Today’s song is brought to you by Justin Alper, who also has had a win.

Zach Bryan’s “Someday On My Mind”

https://youtu.be/2QcVWvAU4tI