Politics Aside

I have a Republican friend. I am not Republican.

We haven’t seen each other in years or really spoken to each other much, not because we haven’t wanted to, but because well, life. We are old, we have kids, we live very far away from one another. We will text or send little blurbs on snapchat here and there, friendly reminders we get it and love one another. Typically our short interactions are lamentations regarding kids, school, husbands, or mundane everyday life things.

Yesterday she texted me. “I’m reaching out to you because politics have me completely sick and afraid right now. You are my friend of liberal reason.” This was followed by a slew of things she has been reading, seeing, hearing, questions she had, fears, anxiety, anger.

At first, looking at my phone and all the messages and text, I admittedly thought, oh no, politics, I can’t.

I have always been open about my views, and open to others’ but lately, I have shut down. I signed off my instagram account because it was less of a place for pretty pictures and funny videos and more of a preachy platform for often misinformed people (on both sides, guys…) I have not brought politics up even really to my husband, who gets quiet when he is angry (quieter than his normal quiet) and it just feels tense when we watch the news or when we discuss the current state of affairs in general. I don’t want to talk politics with family, as most people don’t, not always because they are not on the same page as me, but because I just don’t want to talk about it. It has felt endless and excruciating, it provokes anxiety, and often results in a barrage of conflicting feelings for me.

As a former educator in a number of environments, I have seen an intense variety of political climates. I have navigated social studies curriculum in the inner city, suburbs, and rural America. I have been a chameleon of sorts, elusive and careful in letting students and their families know where my political allegiances lie. I started doing this namely because I did not want any student changing their views because they thought that is what I wanted to hear, or because that is what would get them a better grade. I pushed my kids to back their arguments with facts, I taught them to understand how to get to the FACTS, I tried to get them to be critical of what they read, and to “read between the lines,” as my grandfather had once said. I wanted them to listen to one another, and to know it was okay to have a different view. More recently, and in my last years of teaching, I did these things because of fear. I did not want anyone knowing who I voted for or why because I might have been hassled for it; a baby killing, gay pagan or a drug using leftist white-hating marauder, part of Antifa, an anti gun, anti religion, corrupt spending spree socialist.

Now back to my Republican friend. She is feeling the exact same way. “Why can’t you be Republican now without being hated or called a racist?” she asked. I had no answers, no definitive ones in that moment any way. We had a conversation, albeit via text (easier when you have littles running around or need to multitask), and that is honestly what I think more people out there need to do, discuss. We both lamented and divulged. We probably ruffled one another’s feathers a bit, but we knew it was a safe place to just say what we felt and thought. See, she and I have been doing this since going through our Master’s program together at the University of Pittsburgh back when we were just babes. Two blonde babes, without real responsibility, unknowingly flitting about without truly understanding how lucky we were for so many reasons.

But there we were; islands in a stream, a quite liberal stream might I add, since we were in the Master’s of education program. One island was more conservative treading water in a very judgmental stream, the other island, liberal and not judged, yet annoyed with the pretentious nature of the current the stream was controlled by. We laughed, passed inappropriate notes and formed a friendship that would last more than 15 years (so far). We often talked openly about our political views which were albeit moderate, but different from one another none-the-less.

It was refreshing to be able to talk to one another openly in a New Year- 2021, when we both have been feeling similarly on our “opposite” sides of the aisle. What we concluded was that those once moderate views we both held, leaning toward right or left, are now considered “right wing” or “leftist” - we are either all one thing, or all the other. We are divided undeniably, and a house divided against itself, cannot stand.

After feeling a bit better having discourse with an old friend and reassuring one another, I turned on the TV. I hadn’t realized just HOW sour the days’ events had gone as I had been busy doing other things. I watched as protestors turned rioters stormed the capitol, the ultimate symbol of the democratic process, and I cried. A woman was killed (update, not five people total have died as a result). Electoral ballots swept away by legislators for fear of their destruction. People with Confederate flags or ridiculous outfits breaking through windows in the very place laws are debated civilly, making a complete mockery of the democratic republic in which I adore. This is not democracy. This is not protest. What happened in the summer was not democracy, either. It is not the American version of protest when national monuments are desecrated and private businesses destroyed. Granted, both started as protests, and surely, there were people there that had intentions of just being peaceful, and stayed true to that to the best of their ability. But, the violence, anger, hatred, and vitriol of 2020, has now spilled into 2021. It feels as though no one knows how to articulate their distaste, frustration or anger civilly any more. People are fighting fire with fire and it is a lot to process and take in.

This can’t be, I thought. 2021 was supposed to be that glimmer of hope- not even in regards to politics, just in general. Covid curbed (well the start anyway), unrest ebbing, and some sense of balance slowly but surely creeping in as the days marched on. Once people got things out; whooping, hollering, waving signs, whatever, it would slowly begin to return to “normal,” right? Republicans and Democrats would disagree on immigration, religion’s role in the court, budgets, relief packages, foreign policy, guns, all of it. Certain legislators would dislike one another, but their angry words would stay on the chamber floor. They would have filibusters and they would preach their party line on CNN and FOX news. There would be division sure, but you know, regular democratic division, not violent hateful division.

I turned it off and tried to calm myself down, I drove to pick up my four year old from school, promptly put on one of his light hearted cartoons and fed him a snack. I watched as he played hotwheels and ate animal crackers. What is it about children that brings you back to what is important?

Here is my conclusion: even at our WORST, there are people in this world who want what we have here, in the United States. People have died and risk their lives continuously to be here. And yes, things have been bad for a while now, there has been division since before Trump. But, things have come to a head now, and we cannot pretend like they haven’t gotten exponentially worse in the past four years, the pot has boiled over. Politics have become too fiery, people have grown too hateful, discourse seems virtually impossible at times and the middle so many of us adhere to, has been lost. Somehow still, there are people who WANT what we have. So let’s stop playing the blame game. This is not solely because of one poor leader who knew just what to say to fire certain groups up. This is because many of us became too comfortable, too complicit, too busy to care wholeheartedly what was happening around us. Too many people depended on things just working themselves out, blindly reading a headline here or there, or just scrolling through their social media and trusting the facts were true. This doesn’t affect me- scroll. Sadly, when they realized things may not work themselves out they were too scared to say how they felt, and it was too late.

In a democratic republic, fear of what people may say about us or think of us should not hold us back from speaking out against what we think is wrong, and certainly fear of violence should not, either. Those that were not fearful to speak out subsequently became the voice for us all, and right now, many of the things we saw this summer and what we saw yesterday are a result of that complicit behavior so many of us are guilty of. Now, extremism is rampant, and we allowed it. ALL OF US. Granted, some enabled more than others, but we are all a part of this problem, and we are all needed to fix it.

So here I am, a semi-moderate Liberal white female, saying that what I have seen happening is wrong. We have become what our ancestors fought against, what we mock, something that is happening “over there” or something that happened back then. I am not okay with destroying property- public or private, burning things down, shoving your way across a barricade, screaming racial slurs or spewing hatred of ANY kind while “protesting” - we are so much better than that. If history has taught me anything, it is that as a nation we have royally fucked things up many times (hello slavery, treatment of Native Americans, segregation, internment camps, discrimination based on sex and race, the list goes on…) but as a nation, we have always tried to remedy it (albeit sometimes we waited far too long). There are more good people than not who try to create real, purposeful, ethical, moral, legal change. They do so in ways that are commendable and admirable, and for that, I am thankful.

I will no longer be complicit and quiet. I will not necessarily blame, but I will move forward and try to be one of the good people who affects positive change and facilitates more understanding, Republican or Democrat, if not for myself, for my son. I hope you will, too.